There were 2 blonds driving down the road. The blond driving looked
at the blond in the passenger side and said you know how all other
blonds make us blonds look stupid. It makes me mad. So all sudden
they come to a cornfield and see another blond in a corn field in
a boat and the blond driving said you know its blonds like you that
make us blonds look stupid and if i could swim I would swin out
there and kick you ASS.
A Blond went outside to check her mailbox. She opended it looked
inside then closed it. She went back inside then came back out again.
She opened her mailbox again then slammed it. Again She went back
inside then once more came back out. She opened her mailbox again
slammed it shut then kicked it. The guy next door say, "Whats
the matter?" The blond replied "I just don't get it. My
computer keeps saying You've got Mail!!
Two blondes decided to go to Disneyland. They were almost there
when they saw a sign that read "Disneyland LEFT" So they
turned around and went home.
Desiree Gibson 25/7/2002
What do blondes and video games have in common? The older they
get, the easier they get to beat.
Q: What do blondes and parking spaces have in common?
A: The good ones are taken and the ones left over are handicapped...
Q: What do blondes have in common with prawns?
A: The heads are full of shit but the pink bits taste good...
How can you tell if a blondes been in your refridgerater ?
Because of the lipstick around the cucumber.
A redhead, a brunette, and a blonde are about to be shot. The redhead
is first and then man shouts "3, 2...EARTHQUAKE, and he looks
around and the redhead gets away. Then the brunette is about to
be shot and the man shouts "3, 2...TORNADO, and he looks around
and the brunette gets away. Then the blonde, seeing what they are
doing, decides to do the same. He shouts "3, 2, 1...FIRE!
Wally Five 13/7/2002
A blonde a brunett and a red head walk in to a bar, the bar tender
says whats wrong they say they just robbed a bank and the need a
place to hide so the bar tender says you can go in hide in the back
room but theres only some potato sacks back there so they go in
the back and get in the potato sacks and the police come in and
ask the bartender if he has seen a blonde a brunett and a red head
and the bar tender says no then the officers ask if they could search
the place and bar tender said ok so they went in the back room and
there wasnt anything but some potato sacks so they kick the first
one and its the brunett and she says "WOOF WOOF" the cops
are like well thats just a dog so the kick the next one and its
the red head and she says " MEOW MEOW" the cops are like
well thats just a cat so they kick the third one and its the blonde
and shes like " PO-TA-TO PO-TA-TO"
A blonde burnette and a redhead all agree that they are going to
have a swimming contest to see who is the fastest swimmmer across
a lake. they all agree that they are going to use breaststroke to
race the redhead comes in first with an hour and a half the bunette
comes in second with two hours and the blonde comes finally in last
with 4 hours. she walks up to the judges stand and says i hate to
be a sore loser but i think the other two girls where using their
ONE TIME A BLONDE BRUNETTE AND RED HEAD WERE CAPTURED BY PIRATES
AND THE PIRATES WERE GOIN TO SHOOT THEM. tHE BRUNETTE GOES TO THE
PLANK AND THE CAPTAIN SAYS: rEADY, AIM. THEN THE BRUNETE SAYS HURRIACANE
SO THEY ALL TURN around the brunette jumps in the water and swims
away The red head goes to the plank and the captain says -Ready
aim. Then the red head says- tornado.The pirates turn around and
the red head jumps in the water and swims away.The blonde now goes
up and the captain says- ready aim. then the blonde says fire.
What do u call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette?
Three women are in a survival training course in the forest. There
is a brunette, a red head and a blonde. The brunette says to go
find something to cool us down when it gets hot, and meet back here
in one hour. So they all get back brunette brought back a bucket
of water, the red head brought back a fan and the blonde brought
back a car door. The brunette says Why did you bring back
a car door? The blonde says Oh, when it gets hot we
could just role down the window.
Q. What happened to the blonde that tried to blow up her husbands
A. She burned her lips on the tail pipe!
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are granted three wishes. The
redhead says," I want to be 100% smarter." BOOM! She was
a brunette. The brunette says,"I want to be 1000% smarter."
BOOM! She was a redhead. The blonde says," I want to be 1000%
stupider." BOOM! She was a ..........MAN!!!!!
A blonde goes flying first class to New York. A stewerdess approaches
the blonde and asks her, "May I see your ticket please?"
The blonde says, "Sure!" and the blonde gives the stewerdess
her ticket. The stewerdess looks at it and says, "You have
to go sit back in coach where your asigned seat is." The blonde
sits straight up and replies, "I'm blonde and I'm beautiful
and I'm not moving!" The stewerdess says, "Fine."
The co-pilot comes out and asks the blonde, "May I see your
ticket please?" The blonde says, "Sure!" and the
blonde gives the co-pilot her ticket. The co-pilot looks at it and
says, "You have to go sit back in coach where your assigned
seat is." The blonde sits straight up and replies, "I'm
blonde and I'm beautiful and I'm not moving!" The co-pilot
says, "Fine." So the stewerdess and the co-pilot go and
explain the situation to the pilot. "Alright, I've lived with
a blonde for 20 years I know exactly what to do," the pilot
replies. The pilot goes to the blonde, bends down and whispers in
her ear. The blonde stands up and says, "Well why didn't you
say so in the first place?!" and she returns to coach. Amazed,
the stewerdess and the co-pilot ask the pilot what it was that he
said that made her move. "It was easy, all I said to her was
first class wasn't going to New York!" he replied.
Gord Lendrum 30/6/2002
Two sisters a blonde and a brunette share the old family farm.
But after a few years they find them selves bankrupt! So the brunette
decides to go into town and by livestock. She says to her sister
the blonde if i find a good deal i'll send a tellagram so that you
can come with the trailor. The blonde agrees. So the brunette goes
into town and finds a bull for 599$ so she buys it and then walks
to the telegram office and says to the man i'd like to send a tellegram
to my sister. O.K. he said it costs 99 cents per word. The brunette
had only brought 600$ so she could only send 1 word. She thought
like a blonde for a moment and then said send the word comfortable.
O.K. but how is that gonna help for her to get the message: Come
to town with the trailor?? The brunette replies oh my sisters a
blonde she will read really slowly as in come-for-da-bull!
One day a blonde was driving her car and she saw a farm with sheep,
so she went up to the farmer and said "if i can guess how many
sheep you have can i have a sheep " so the farmer says "
sorry i dont accept blondes go away" so the next day she went
to a barbers and got her hair died brown and went back to the farm
and asked again " if i can guess how many sheep you have can
i have a sheep" so the farmer says "sure guess" the
blonde guesses "10" and he says "okay go take a sheep"
when the blonde was leaving the farmer asked her " umm excuse
me if i can guess your real hair colour can i have my dog back."
Corrine and Mario 15/6/2002
Q: Why were there six holes in the blonde's mirror?
A: Because she tried to shoot herself.
Two blondes are walking down the road when one looks down and sees
a mirror. She picks it up and looks into saying "I know this
person!!" The other blonde grabs the mirror, looks into it
and says "Well DUH!!! That's me!!"
Jeccica Loyet 11/6/2002
A BLOND , A BRUNETTE,AND A REDHEAD CAN JUMP OF A BUILDING AND LAND
IN OR ON ANY THING THEY WANT. THE REDHEAD JUMPS AND SAID A BED,
SO SHE LANDS IN A BED. THE BRUNETTE SAID BATHTUB,SO SHE LANDS IN
A BATHTUB.THE BLOND FALLES OFF THE BUILDING AND SAID SHIT ,SHE LANDS
IN A PILE OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!
How do you know if a blonde's been on a playstation?
The analog controler's wet.
There's this magic mirror, and if you go up to it andsay what you
think could happen, it will come true, but if there is no chance
of it happening - POOF! you disappear a redhead goes up to the magic
mirror and says "i think i could be the prettiest woman alive-"poof!
a brunette goes up to the magic mirror and says "i think i
could have the best body in the world-" poof! she disappears
a blonde goes up to the magic mirror and says "i think-"poof,
3 blondes needed to cross the river, but they couldnt, and suddenly
a wizard appears and say "ill give you a wish each" so
the 1st blonde says "i wish i was cleverer" and she turned
into a red-head and swims across the river. the 2nd blonde says
"i wish i was cleverer than her" and she turned into a
brunette and rows across the river with the boat. the 3rd blonde
says "i wish i was clever than both of them put together"
and she turned into a man and used the bridge.
Matt Ryder 10/6/2002
There are three criminals, a blonde a red head and a brunnett.
They are walking down an ally when police arrive, not knowing what
to do they all jumped into three seperate trash cans. The brunnett
in the first one, the red head in the second and the blonde in the
last. The police officers walk up to the first trash can and kicked
it, the brunnett moewed and the police officers said " awww
its just a darn kitty cat". The police officers walked up to
the second trash can and kicked it, the red head barked and the
police officers said,"awww its just a darn puppy dog".
They walked to the last trash can, kicked it and the blonde jumped
out and said "SUPRISE! How did you ever find me?!"
Q: What do you call blondes lined up from ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: You put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottum a pool.
Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
A: Because she kept throwing away all the "WW"s.
Charles and Vicki 6/6/2002
Why did the blond go up the roof??
cos she was told the drinks were on the house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Two Blond's go to DisneyLand Paris and they are nearly there and
they see a sign saying "DISNEYLAND LEFT" so they go home!!!
Vikki Proctor 6/6/2002
A blond, a brunet,and a redhead were blamed of being wiches. the
towns people asked the redhead if she wanted a cigeritt or a blindfold
she said no to both.When they were about to shot her she yelled
"EARTHQUEAK"the men stopped to feel the earthquak and
she got away.
The brunet saw what the redhead did and was going to do the same
thing. the towns people asked if she wanted a cigeritt or a blindfold
she said no to both. When they were about to shot her she yelled
"TORNADO" they stopped to find the tornado and she got
Well the blond thought she'd be as clever asthe other two the towns
people asked her the 2 questions they asked the ohter girls she
said no to both. Just as they were about to shot her she yelled
More Humour, Choose the Humour Sites Network: Click Here
Q: What do you call a dead blonde in the closet?
A: The 1997 Hide-n-Seek World Champion!
James Bond 16/05/2002
Q: How does the blond try to kill the fish Q;
A: She try's to drown it!
what do you call a blond in a closet.......last years hide and
go seek winner!
Q How do you get a blond out of the bed room?
A Tell her the money is out side on the hood of her car.
JR King 2/05/2002
A brunette is standing on the railroad tracks jumping up and down.
Every time she jumps up she says, "99.....99......99..."
A blonde walks up to her and asks, "what the hell are you doing?"
The brunette says, "I'm having fun...you should try
So the brunette steps off the tracks and the blonde gets on.
She starts to jump and says, "99.....99.....99..." Just
then, a train comes
by... "BAM!!!" and wipes out the blonde.
The brunette gets back on the tracks, jumps up and goes,
There are 2 types off woman:
blondes and brunettes
Now brunettes or a great catch, they no how to cock, clean and lots
of other great stuff
but aren't better then blondes at sex.
Now there are 2 types of blondes:
Natural Blondes and Per-oxide blondes
Don't get me wrong there both dumb, but where as Natural blondes
with per-oxide blondes you have to make some type off effort like
Q: How do you drowned a blonde
A: Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a swiming pool
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So that men can remember them!
Q. Did you here about the three blonds who walked into the building???
A. You would have thought one of them would have seen it!!!
Q. Why do blonds wear hoop earings???
A. Ankle holders!!!
Q: Why did the blonde get a restraining order from the hotel elevator?
A: She would only go down.
What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill over her head?
All you can eat for under a buck.
How do u know a blonde has been using the computer?
Because there is tipex on the screen
A blond a brunet and a red hed all work at the same office for
a female boss who leaves early every day. One day the brunet says
"hey girls lets go home early right after the boss leaves!!!
she'll never know." The next day they leave after the boss
does and well the brunet gets some extra gardening done the red
head goes to a bar and the blond goes home to find her husbend having
sex with her female boss. The blond sneaks out silently and returns
to work and goes home at her normal hour. The next day the brunet
says " that was fun we should do that again sometime."
but the blond replys "no way I almost got caught".
What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
How did the blonde almost die?
She was riding a horse and her head started to hit the ground, so
the K-Mart manager turned off the merry-go-round.
How did the blonde almost die from drinking milk?
The cow fell on her.
1. the solar power flashlight
2. dehydrated water
3. fireproof matches
Q: Why do blondes wear big hoop earings?
A: Its a place to rest their legs
Q: What is the first thing a blonde does when she gets dressed?
A: Climbs back into the front seat.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: When you slap the mosquito, it stops sucking.
A blonde, a burnett, and a red-head are standing on top of a burning
building. The fire rescue team comes and tells the red-head to jump
into the net, after a moments hesitation, she jumps. Right before
she hits the net they let go of the net, SPLAT! She's dead. They
look up at the burnett, tell her to jump, SPLAT! Same result. They
look up at he blonde tell her to jump, they say they will catch
her. She looks down and says,
"what do you think I am stupid, I saw how you tricked my friends,
just put the net down and back away!"
What do blondes and bungy jumpers have in common?
*If the rubber breaks they'er screwed(Ha)
There was a blonde,a brunette,and a red head running from the cops.The
brunette hid in a doghouse and started barking like a dog.The red
a tree and started moewing like a cat.The blonde hid in a sack of
potatoes and started yelling "potatoe! potatoe!"
A blond wearing headphones walks into a beauty parlor and asks
for a haircut. She sits down in a chair and the styalist asks her
to remove her headphones. To that she replied, "If I do I'll
die." And the stylist says, "But I can't cut your hair
properly if you are still wearing your headphones." So the
blond says, "Well then, just cut around them." Frustrated
the stylist goes and gets the manager. The manager couldn't reason
with the blond either, so he pulled the stylist over and whispered
to her, "Distact the girl and I'll pull the headphones off.
Surely she won't really die from that!" So the stylist goes
over and asks the blond how she wants her hair done. While the blond
is answering the manager pulls her headphones off. The blond keels
over and dies. Giving the stylist a very confused look, the manager
puts the headphones to his ear. He hears-- Breath in. Breath out.
Breath in. Breath out . . . . .
A blonde was driving her car , and it started to hail, so she
went to a repair shop and asked the guy to take the dents out of
it. The guy noticed that she was a blonde and decided to mess with
her. He told her to go home and blow into the tail-pipe. she went
home and was doing that, and her blonde room-mate came out and asked
her what she was doing. When she told the room-mate, she said "
you cant do it like that silly, you forgot to roll up the windows".
Q. If a blonde and a Brunette are dropped off a building which
one will hit the ground first!
A. The Brunette because the blonde has to stop and ask for directions.
Q: What do you call 5 blondes in a deep freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes
whats the difference between a blond and a bowling ball? you can
three fingers in the bowling ball.
Q: How Does A Blonde Try To Kill A Fish?
A: She Trys To Throw It Off Of A Cliff
Q: Why Do Blondes Think They Are So Smart When They Are Having Sex?
A: Because They Are Plugged Into A Genuis
Q: What is a blonde's other mating call?
A: "So, are all of you guys on the same team
Q: What is a brunette's mating call?
A: "Is that blonde bitch gone yet?"
Q: Whats black and blue and can be found laying in a gutter?
A: A brunette who made one too many blonde jokes.
Q: Who started the very first blonde jokes.
A: Thats what blondes damn well want to know!
Q: what does a blonde and the Titanic have in common?
A: over 10,000 men went down on them
Q: What do you do when a blond throws a grenade at you?
A: You pull the pin and throw it back
Q: What do you get when you turn a blond upside down?
A: A burnette
Q: If there was a blonde,brunette and a redhead in grade 7 who
would be the prettyist
A: The blonde cause shes 18
Hello there! Even though I am a blonde, i
really like reading your jokes! I think they are very funny! I have
a blonde joke that I would like to hear in your blonde Jokes section.
Please E-mail me back so I no if you will submit this joke.
A young blonde woman walks into a store and says, " i'd like
to buy that t.v." The clerk says, "sorry, we don't sell
to blonds. The blonde goes home and changes her hair color and then
comes back. Again she asks to buy the t.v. "Sorry, we don't
sell to blonds." the clerk said again. The blonde goes to get
a complete makeover so that she looks very different. She goes back
to the store and again asks for the t.v. "Sorry, we don't sell
to blonds." said the clerk again. "I don't understand
it!" said the blonde getting angry. "How do u know Im
a blonde?" Then the clerk says,"Thats not a t.v., its
Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
-they keep forgetting the recipe!
Why did the blond get sacked from the m&m factory?
-she kept throwing away the w's!
Q: What do you call a blonde,brunett blond,brunett,blond,brunett,blond,brunett?
A: A blonde doing a kartwheels
A blonde woman named Brandi finds herself in dire trouble.
Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial straits.
She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help.
She begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost my business
if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well.
Please let me win the lotto."
Lotto night comes and she doesn't win.
Brandi again prays... "God,please let me win the
lotto! I've lost my business, my house and now I'm going to lose
Lotto night comes and Brandi still has no luck.
Once again, she Prays..."Dear Lord, why have you
I've lost my business, my house, my car.
My children are starving. I don't often ask for help, and I have
always been a good servant to you.
PLEEEEASE let me win the lotto this onetime so I
can get my life back in order.
"Suddenly, there is a blinding flash of light as
the heavens open and Brandi is confronted by the voice of God
"Brandi, work with me on this. Buy a ticket."
Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted flakes
Q: Why are blondes caskets shaped like a triangle?
A: Because every time their head hits the pillow there legs spred
~Sam Journeys~ 17/11/2001
A blonde chick goes to the store to buy some groceries. She finishes
and as she is walking to the cash register she sees some puzzels
on the shelf and decides to kill the rest of the afternoon making
one. She gets home and opens her puzzel box and spreads the pieces
out on the table. She looks at it for 5 minutes...10 minutes...30
minutes...1 hour...2 hours...she finally gets frustrated at not
being able to put even two pieces together and asks her boyfriend
to come into the kitchen to help her.
Blonde; "Honey, I've been working at this puzzel for hours
and I can't get two piecas together. Can you please help me, it's
supposed to be a tiger."
Boyfriend; "Dear...put the frosted flakes back in the box."
Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
A: She heard that the drinks were on the house.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: What is the first thing a blonde learns when she takes driving
A: You can also sit upright in a car.
Q: What's the definition of a metallurgist?
A: A man who can tell if a platinum blonde is a virgin metal or
a common ore.
From P.Smith, Texas, USA
How's a blond like a bowling ball?
You can stick 3 fingers in them, throw them in the gutter, and
What the difference between a blond and a bowling ball?
You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
What's the difference between a blond and a vacuum cleaner?
A vacuum cleaner can't suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden
What do blondes and the Bermuda Triangle have in common????? They've
both swallowed tons of semen
The sky was dark the moon was high.All alone just her
and I,her hair is so soft her eyes are so blue.I know
just what she wants to do.Her skin is so soft,her legs
are so fine,I ran my fingers down her spine.I didn't
know how but tried my best to place my hand on her
brest.I rember my fear,my fast beating heart,but
slowly she spred her legs apart and when she did I
felt no shame,all at once the white stuff came.....
At last its finished, Its all over.............
my first time milking a cow................
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: When you slap a mosquito, they stop sucking.
Q : WHY DID BLONDES STOP BUYING VIBRATORS
A: IT WAS GETTING TO ROUGH ON THEIR TEETH
Q: HOW DOES A BLONDE TURN ON THE LIGHTS AFTER SEX
A: OPEN THE CAR DOOR
Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A BRUNETTE & THREE BLONDES
A: REGULAR PRICE, FOUR BUCKS, FOUR BUCKS, FOUR, BUCKS
(THIS IS THE OLD SLOGAN @ PIZZA HUT)
Q: WHY DO BLONDES WEAR BIG LOOP EARINGS.
A: GOTTA HAVE SOMETHING TO PIN THEIR LEGS BACK WITH
BEHIND THE BAR IS A HUNCHBACK BLONDE WORKING.
A BLUE COLLARED WORKING MAN WALKS IN & SITS DOWN
AT THE BAR.
BLONDE: WHAT WILL YOU BE HAVING
MAN: SHOT OF BOURBON
BLONDE: THAT'LL BE $10.50
MAN: DAMN THAT'S HIGH, JUST GIVE ME A SHOT OF TEQUILA
BLONDE: THAT'LL BE $8.50
MAN: DAMN THAT'S HIGH, JUST GIVE ME A COLD BEER
BLONDE: THAT'LL BE $6.50
MAN: DAMN THAT'S HIGH
BLONDE: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN HAVE THE BEER FOR FREE SINCE
YOU HAVE'N'T MADE FUN OF MY HUNCHBACK YET.
MAN: HUNCHBACK, HELL I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOUR ASS, EVERYTHING ELSE
IS SO HIGH IN HERE
Did you hear about the blonde who sold here car to get petrol money
If a Blond and Brunett jumped of a bridge which one would land
The Brunett, because the Blond would have to ask for directions.
What do you call a brunett in-between 2 blonds?
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
- she called me to get my phone number.
- she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because
it said "concentrate."
- she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make
up her mind.
- she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
- she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and
- she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
- she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
- she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
- she tried to drown a fish.
- she thought a quarterback was a refund.
- she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
- if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change
- they had to burn the school down to get her out of third
- under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked
- she tripped over a cordless phone.
- she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
- at the bottom of the application where it says "sign
here"...she put Sagittarius."
- she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
- it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
- if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
- she studied for a blood test.
- she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
- she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
- she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
- she sold the car for gas money.
- when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she
home and got 16 friends.
- when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the
home, she moved.
- she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
- when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice
- when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said
"Airport Left" she turned around and went home.
Now send this to at least 5 people or you'll get bad luck for 7
0-4=Bad luck for 7 years
5-9=your crush will start to like you
10-14=your crush will ask you out
15-19=you and your crush will makeout all the time
20+=all of the above and you'll get everything you want
After you send this to 20 people a yellow box will pop up. Click
on it. A great suprise will appear!!!!! >>
Megan Watson 29/10/2001
More Submitted jokes here