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Blonde Joke One Liners


Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilized.

Q: How do you drown a blond?
A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2: Don't tell her to swallow.
A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.

Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.

Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A: A know-it-all bitch.

Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
A: One's a phony buck.

Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?
A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.

Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.

Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
A: An Italian suppository.

Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life?
A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

Q: What can save a dying blonde?
A: Hair transplants.

Q: What did the blonde say when she woke up under the cow?
A: What are you guys still doing here?

Q: What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
A: Third Grade.

Q: What's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?
A: A hundred dollar bill.

Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?
A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.

Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.

Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night !

Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde?
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.

Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.

Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

Q: Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
A: To keep her ankles warm.

Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.

Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A: Way to go team!

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
A: By the chipped tooth.

Q: Did you hear about the blond that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
A: She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde that almost caused a wreck?
A: The spare tire in her trunk blew out.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde doctor?
A: She shaved her patients, then took off their clothes.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde that ate mountain oysters?
A: She was dragged 200 yards.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't wait to see 20,000 leagues under the sea?
A: She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who stood in front of a mirror with her eyes closed?
A: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.

Q: Did you hear about the new form of birth control for blondes?
A: They take off their makeup.

Q: Why won't a blonde drink beer at the beach?
A: She's afraid to get sand in her Busch.

Q: Why do blondes wear tight skirts?
A: To keep their legs together.

Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.

Q: Why did the blonde give up bowling for screwing?
A: The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.

Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the sperm bank?
A: Her employer found out she was embezzling.

Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Blondes screw in back seats, not in lightbulbs, silly.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.

Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
A: She didn't know what ONE came first...


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